At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
