Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Randomize
