Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize
