If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
