Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
And then he peed in my hair
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
