yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
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