even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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