i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
