i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize
