I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Randomize
