She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Randomize