Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
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