so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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