I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
