Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize
