she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
