those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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