I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize
