i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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