I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
