WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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