That's intense
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
