Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
