I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
