Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
