I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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