Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
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