he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
