My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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