just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I'm too high and old for this...
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Randomize
