Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
