I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
