All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
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