We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
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