mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Randomize
