There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize
