my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize