I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
