herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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