i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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