I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Your dad touched me again.
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
