Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Randomize
