I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize
