You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
