Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
