So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
The Olympian is in my bed
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
