just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
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