Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Randomize
