Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
i think im in europe. pls send help
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