I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Randomize
