hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
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