Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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