One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
4 words: hood of his car
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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