I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
