what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
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