I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Do you remember whose house we're in?
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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