Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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