she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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