You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I need to sanitize my soul.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
