Umm I'm too high to move.
I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Randomize
