youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
