You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
