you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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