so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
