Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Randomize