I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
she told me i tasted like america
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
