So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Randomize
