I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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