worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
