I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
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