Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
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