The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
