I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
