Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
