Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
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