whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Randomize
