Apparently you make a good broom.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
You have to summon your inner elephant
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
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