On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Randomize