My hand turned me down
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Randomize
