If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize
