turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Randomize