i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Randomize
