Betty ford says i'm here all night
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Randomize
