I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
I'm at about main and main street
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
