you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
