i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Randomize