I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Randomize
