it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
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