Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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