Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
