When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
