Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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