Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
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