no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
