The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
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