you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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