I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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