Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
