i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
