At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
