People in love make me want to vomit
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Randomize
