I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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