Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
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