On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
tonight lets celebrate not being married
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Randomize
