when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Randomize
